Courage

Courage

It is difficult to find the courage to change (again)

To find my feet after each time I fall

To quiet myself after fearless happenings

I wish I could climb a mountain or dip my toes in the ocean

Anything like the electric zap which I need to feel alive

But which I know ultimately destroys me

It is uncomfortable understanding that dilemma

Disappointing that I always sit in the middle of ups and downs

But I will climb out, wrestle my way back up – I always do

That is what we all need to do perhaps

In time I will understand my patterns – inert to busy, asleep to awake

I hope I will learn to accept them and make them safe

Windows open for happiness, a bigger view

Not doors locked tightly so I cannot go in or out

I will change my fearlessness of pain

Into the courage to change, and live well.